"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and
only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
(John 3:16)
|
 |
|
Donna |
A Personal Journey.
March 8/99.
I remember vividly my first true realization that God was with me, I was not alone. God
loved even me. I was twelve years old and I cherish this memory, it is tangible and
comforting. It was an emotional attachment and a response to being admonished in Church
for taking a small piece of bread symbolic of " Christ's body that was broken for you",
from the Communion plate as it was passed by me in our pew. An older lady condemned my
action with looks and words and I did not know what to do. My reaction was to hold the
bread in my hand until I walked out of the Church door and down the wide stone steps. There
by a telephone pole on the sidewalk I put the forbidden bread in my mouth and asked God if
it was okay. I knew that what I had done was wrong. The feeling of love, peace and joy that
overcame me was immediate and almost startling. An attachment had been made that is and has
been sustaining throughout my life. Each Sunday I would wait for this wonderful feeling of
acceptance and love to greet me after Church, at the foot of the stone steps. God and his
son Jesus never failed to meet me. I knew that God was always with me but this place at the
foot of a telephone pole was where he had shared his son and his all-encompassing love with
me.
There have been times in my life journey when I have not paid attention to this connection.
Perhaps taken it for granted, even went my own way and did not enter into dialogue with God.
I prayed when I felt helpless, I prayed for forgiveness for my sins, I thanked God for
blessings but I did not walk with him. However God remained faithful and never left me.
Many times he let me know that he was there patiently waiting, nudging me to walk in his
path. He gave me the blessing of my family, stayed with me through a heart wrenching loss,
forgave my misguided steps and pushed me to use his gifts for his glory.
I have been so blessed as to see the work of God in my nursing career. He has never left me
alone, and has used me to bring peace and comfort to others. There have been so many
wonderful experiences that I might have missed if I had not been aware that God was the
source of my work. Being present with other human beings as they met the challenge of
psychological or physical illness is where I have been useful in life.
There are many memories of where I believe I have made a difference to someone and these
are gifts. I remember a lovely, quiet lady who stopped me short one day as I was rushing to
do my tasks. She was probably in her eighties and she had sat quietly at the end of her
daughter's hospital bed for some time. She reached for my hand as I passed her and gently
asked me if she could touch her daughter without hurting her. We both touched her daughter
and talked for a while, we sensed her daughter's awareness of love and connection. They had
this short time together but it was enough.
Michael was only eighteen when he took his own life. I felt that I had failed him and could
give him no more than my sorrow and sense of loss. God gave me the opportunity to go to
Michael and identify his broken body so as to spare his Mother what would have been an
unbearable memory. It was all that I could do for him and I know that this was what I was
meant to do.
I cradled a tiny child in my arms as she died and knew the presence of God. My experiences
in Geriatric Psychiatry have been a joy and an enriching experience. The privilege of
working with the elderly is one that is filled with much compensation. It is a blessing to
love the work that you do.
God has walked my husband, our family, and me through the miracle of Peg our first child
regaining her physical and spiritual health after a near tragic car accident in 1992.
Could I then see my way clear to take the hand of Jesus that had been reaching out to me
all these years? I was a Christian in name only most of the time.
There is no way that you can go over, under or around facing up to yourself and being
accountable. The process is something like a professional continuous quality improvement.
Was I a competent Christian? Well competence combines knowledge, skill, application and
judgement. I felt that my maturity had not progressed to a level that was satisfactory. At
times I felt that I was still on the level I had been at the age of twelve. Growth in my
relationship with God would depend on my desire for progress and the value I placed in goal
attainment. This would require a dedication of time and energy, a commitment to work, with
love, to find this relationship. I knew that I could not do this with out help. This has
become a journey shared with my family, at times depending on the strength of my husband
Jim, and with the help of the Salvation Army.
I once found Jesus at the foot of a telephone pole. A pole shaped like a cross with its
two cross pieces framed against the sky. This beautiful simple design was a symbol of
suffering and of sin forgiven. At the foot of that cross I found peace and acceptance.
There were to be and will be many more crosses to bear in my life journey. Jesus took away
our sin but like him we must suffer, it is a human condition. Our suffering like the crosses
we bear leave us when their purpose is over and we endure, grow stronger, when we know that
we are not alone. Jesus walks with us, he is ever faithful if we love him and tell him so.
The learning is a life journey. The credit belongs to God.
Donna.
|
